The Lost Letters: Episode 3

Episode 3: The Radio Cabinet, Space and Time Letter 2, An Incredibly Unnecessary Journey

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Introduction:

There is a space within the void between universes where all lost things can be found. There we find “The Lost Letters”.

Dear Diary,

As you will recall, I helped my mother clean out my Grandmother’s attic. Aside from the heat, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. My mom didn’t bring up the breakup, and mostly our conversation was pleasant. We did get a bit emotional when we found pictures or other sentimental items. I miss my grandmother. She’s gone far too soon. She will miss all the important events of my life. My graduation, my wedding, my children. Of course none of those things is in the works anytime soon, but still it is something you want your grandmother to be at, you know.

Something unusual happened, though. I found an old radio cabinet up there. It was really very retro cool. I opened it up to find the thing had been emptied of its electronics, which okay, I guess I wasn’t going to use it as a radio anyway. Later, as my mom was getting lunch together I was looking through some boxes near the thing when I heard this buzz and a clank. I took a look inside the cabinet again, and there was this cylindrical object about the same size as a football. I could have sworn there was nothing in there when I just looked not an hour earlier. It was freezing to the touch, like so cold that it kind of burned me when I touched it. That was super weird.

I didn’t think much more about it after that as my mom called me down for lunch. After lunch, my mom took a run of stuff over to our house. I was back up in the attic prepping the next load of things that we were going to take. As I’m doing that I see the lights on the dial shine, static comes booming out of the speaker! I’m terrified, because like I said, the electronic components were no longer in the cabinet. As suddenly as the weird static starts, I hear a voice. It was my grandmother’s but it was younger. She started, and then like a chorus or echo or something joined her. It was a bit hard to make out but they all said the same thing, “What?! No! Not now! I have to file the report for the last attempt! Turn off the machine!…” I ran downstairs, that was freaky AF!

About a minute later, I heard it come to life again. This time they said, “I need to go… I have to go.” Go where? Why do you need to go? As I’m staring up into the attic I about jump out of my skin as my mom yells up to me, “Lizzie, I thought you were going to get all that stuff ready to go!” she says as she starts climbing the stairs. As she rounds the corner, she sees me standing there. I tried to tell her what happened, but she just said it was impossible. The radio cabinet has been up in the attic since she was my age. She said that Auntie Marilynn gave it to grandma years ago. Auntie Marilynn was great! I don’t think I wrote about her much.

She was an actress in the eighties. She was incredibly intelligent and could have been doing anything much like Heady Lamarr. But it was the 80’s and you know how societal and gender norms are. She had such wacky ideas like there being alternate realities where she was a scientist. But then she’d go on into further detail about how they would be out of sync with us not only in ways that our matter is made up, but also in time and other dimensional forces. She’d go off on how we, by just existing, displace matter and energy and just by being here we make things different. I always liked that one. Grandma did too. Now that I think about it, maybe that was grandma from another reality or even several speaking through the radio. I think mom wanted to sell it after everything today, but now that I’m thinking about Auntie, I don’t think we should.

Maybe I should keep it. It might be a way for grandma to still be at those events with me. I mean it would be a little ridiculous to be caring around that big radio cabinet with me everywhere, but I could maybe use it to talk to her, maybe if I could ever figure out what’s going on.

Love,

Lizzie Steinem

My Dear Aster,

That was presumptuous, wasn’t it? I mean we’ve only seen each other twice and then there was that letter… I mean, basically just writing me off because I happen to be Irfan. I know you feel bad about it, but honestly you are cute when you are flustered. I just have to give you a hard time because I just imagine that blushing smile and it fills me with butterflies… Wait… maybe that’s a bad admission, the Orenda may be able to ACTUALLY fill me with butterflies.

Speaking of which, we talked a bit about the Orenda when we met. I mean, I still have a ton of questions; but I figure you should know more about us. From what I gathered we aren’t that different from the Orenda. Well, aside from the basic ideas that each community is centered on. Where the Orenda believe that magic ultimately will be the saving force of humanity, we believe that it will be through science and technology. Though nobody asked me, I think we could learn a lot from each other. For instance I was able to re-create that dictation spell you used using my computer’s wireless connection. Which is how you are getting this letter.

Imagine what we could accomplish by working together! I mean I don’t know what limits there are on your magic, but being able to unlock the full scientific potential of what you all can do!!! Sorry, I just have visions of travelling to other worlds, times and even parallel realities. All the while, recording all the data we possibly could!

Wow, sorry… I guess that goes to show how incredibly nerdy I am. There’s this obscure novel series that was never widely published. There are some websites that… oh… uh… places on a digital network of computers, that distribute an electronic copy of them. They are by this guy named Gene Rodenberry. The series is called “The United Federation of Planets”. The normies, what we call people who aren’t Irfan or Orenda, were going to make a stage show from them. But we, meaning the Irfan, stopped them as it encouraged a future where science and technology were available to everyone. I mean the Orenda probably wouldn’t have liked that either….

Sorry! Focus Horacio!

Okay, so these books inspired me. I want that future for humanity. I want science and technology to be available for everyone! Anyway, I’m going on and on about this…

So, the reason I’m writing, I’d love to see you again. I’m going to try to be in the market each weekend to make sure I beat you to those lemon bars!

Yours Truly,

Horacio

Dear Camellia,

Did you see that notice on the Community Board months ago? I thought those Bagginses took care of all that anti-hobbit/halfling rhetoric!

If you didn’t see that rubbish, be thankful! I saw some Elvish messenger posting the new notices the other day, and this one… HOO!!!… This one! This one was from an Orc of all beings! It was riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Regardless, it was horrid. It went on about how we “filthy” hobbits need to mind our own business and stay in the shire. It went on to say that hobbit culture was not welcome in middle-earth, and we should be happy that we have the shire. The gall!

Anyway, I ran after the Elvish messenger, which was already about halfway to Withywindle! I had to know where this came from. He said he hadn’t the foggiest. He said that he just delivers and posts the notices. A likely story… So I had to ask who oversees the collection of posts. Turns out it’s all the way over in Rivendell. Well fine! I could not let this simply just stand! I had to find this Orc and give him a piece of my mind.

After two weeks of travel, I avoided some trolls, caught some coneys, blah blah blah. I finally arrived, needless to say the messenger arrived about a week before I did. They had been expecting me. After a few hours of attempting to get past their amazement at seeing a hobbit this far from the shire after so long, they gave me what I came for the location of the post writer. Of course! All the way over in Mordor! I guess I must simply walk into mordor!

So I set off again! I refilled my stores of mince, tators, and eggs. Luckily, the Caradhras pass had not snowed over this time of year. I don’t see what Samwise’s grumbling was all about that journey took me less than a month and I didn’t see no spiders, eagles, or other nonsense he went on about. I had a difficult time navigating Orcish neighborhoods. There are no rhyme or reason to them whatsoever. I kept having to avoid them as much as possible for when they saw me they attempted to eat me! Finally after days of searching, I found the address for the post writer.

I firmly knocked on the door of the home. When the Orc arrived at the door I told him in no uncertain terms, “You are no longer welcome in the shire!” They just stared at me, as I strongly put my foot down, turned on my heel and retreated from whence I came. Anyway, I traveled back by way of Gondor, to restock my supplies.

The journey back has been an exhilarating one. I sure told that Orc! I shan’t be surprised to find that they will not be posting such nonsense ever again on community boards. I have succeeded! Anyway, I’m on my way back, and wanted to send you this letter to check in on my cat. I shall be back in about a week. I am in Rivendell now, swiftly to return.

Sincerely,

Kelly Underhill

Outro:

Thank you for listening to The Lost Letters. We hope you have enjoyed our presentation. If you enjoyed the show please review and subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. If you would like to join the conversation you may do so on Facebook, Instagram, and our website www.PatronSaintsOfPopCulture.org. You can also e-mail us at PatronSaintsOfPopCulture@gmail.com. Don’t forget, communication is key!

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